The Absurd Epistolary Adventures of the Astonishing FartMan chronicles the amusing escapades
of the lovable, stinky, and obnoxious Cape & Tights Super Hero, and his maudlin Alter Ego, W____,
as they learn to cope with Stage IV colon cancer, each other, and their annoying fellow human beings.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

And Who's Gonna Stop Me?

From: The Astonishing FartMan
To: W______
Date: May 28, 2011 7:05 AM
Subject: Re: The Quality, Composition, and Tone of Your Blog Posts

Dear W______,

Before you get all cocky and sanctimonious with your prissy-boy threats to ban me from posting here, please pause and scroll up for a moment to remind yourself what is the title of this 5FU'd blog, a title which, for your everlasting convenience and irritation, always appears in extra-large bold type at the top of each and every single page.

Please nota bene that this blog ain't called "The Boring Smaltzy Sentimentalized Adventures of The Sissy-Prissy W____Man."

Nope. It's called "The Absurd Epistolary Adventures of The Astonishing FartMan," for a very good and obvious reason, which is that Yours Truly, The Astonishing One, is the marquee star of this two-bit operation. So I plan to keep things absurd and vague, vaporous and gaseous, just the way I likes it.

If you've got a problem with the present arrangement, then you'll just have to find yourself some other Super Hero who's desperate to hook up with a sissy-prissy alter ego like you. Word is that The Amazing SpiderMan has been having personnel problems lately, and might have an alter ego position opening up on his bloated staff, if you can put up with that gayish, wrist-twisted pose he always strikes when he's shooting off his spider-web stuff.

But you bettter hurry, because from what I'm hearing from the folks at the clinic, you don't have much time left to be farting around. (Yes, that's another stupid joke. So sue me.)

And, seriously, before I sign off, let me just say, "5FU to you, too."

Notwithstanding your efforts to ruin me, I remain  . . . .

The One and Only,
Melodious and Malodorous,
Super Pooper Hero,
T. A. FartMan

1 comment:

  1. It's possible that TAFM may feel that your attempts to censor him, signal the inevitable lack of significance with which he'll soon be regarded(his own loss of control). I could be way off in my understanding of the acrimony surrounding the relationship - but I would say the W___has the upper hand and that TAFM has lost the wind in his sails.