The Absurd Epistolary Adventures of the Astonishing FartMan chronicles the amusing escapades
of the lovable, stinky, and obnoxious Cape & Tights Super Hero, and his maudlin Alter Ego, W____,
as they learn to cope with Stage IV colon cancer, each other, and their annoying fellow human beings.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

This Has Gotta Stop

From: W_____
To: T. A. FartMan
Date: May 28, 2011 6:20 AM
Subject: The Quality, Composition, and Tone of Your Blog Posts

Dear FartMan,

People are starting to complain.

This stuff has got to stop. Nobody is going to read past your first ten lines, and even if they tried to read further, your prose is just too over-inflated, pompous, and confusing for any halfway normal person to make heads or tails out of it.

Your "humor," such as it is, has already gotten us banned from posting comments on several other cancer blogs, including ZoomberGirl's. And now our own readers have begun complaining to me that your off-the-wall posts are "distracting" the focus away from me and the good vibe I'm trying to create. I think the absurd length of your posts is part of the problem. Yes, I know you've had an issue with flatulence because of the bowel surgery and the chemo side-effects, but do all your posts have to be so long-winded, too?

To put things in a suitable and pithy metaphor that an excessively literary guy like you should appreciate: Your writing is really stinking things up around here.

I would also appreciate it if you would cool it with the snide postings, like this one and this one, ranting about the health care we're receiving. The folks caring for us are doing their best under difficult circumstances, and now some people at the Infusion Center are starting to take your stupid jokes personally. Speaking of which, please stop calling the Infusion Center the Confusion Center. I might have used that line once or twice myself, but you are wearing it out.

Please understand, FartMan, I don't want to kick you off this blog, because I know there's probably no place else left for you to go, but really, my patience does have limits. So please think hard about what I'm telling you, before you ruin this blog just like you've ruined practically everything else in our life.


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