The Absurd Epistolary Adventures of the Astonishing FartMan chronicles the amusing escapades
of the lovable, stinky, and obnoxious Cape & Tights Super Hero, and his maudlin Alter Ego, W____,
as they learn to cope with Stage IV colon cancer, each other, and their annoying fellow human beings.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Mostly Worried About My Dear Sweet Wife

From: W____
Sent: Saturday, August 21, 2010 5:17 PM
To: St_____
Subject: Update

Hey St_____,


Monday afternoon they did surgery taking out a chunk of my colon, removing along with it the two cancer masses residing therein, and stitching the two ends back together.

Pathology reports, CT Scan, and PET Scan confirmed colon cancer, with four lymph nodes involved, and one or two small spots on the liver. Supposedly the cancer cells are not exotic, and are slow-growing, which is a piece of good news.

By Wednesday afternoon, they had sent me home, and since then I've been been recouping pretty well. Right after surgery the pain from the cutting was through the roof, but now I can get by with an occasional Tylenol or, more rarely, a Tylenol/codeine.

I have an appointment at the end of the month with the surgeon for a follow-up, and then an appointment with an oncologist first week of September. That's when we'll get the complete picture about how bad my situation is and what can reasonably be done to improve things.

I feel amazingly good. Perhaps it's endorphins, or adrenalin, or, as Young Churchill wrote, the exhilarating sensation of having been "shot at without [much immediate] effect." Maybe I had become gradually sicker over such a long period of time (five years or longer) that I had forgotten what it feels like not to feel like crap all the time. It seems that getting those nasty tumors out of me has provided a great relief to my body. The basic level of vitality--my spark--seems better than it has been in years. If it weren't for the twinges from the surgery, I would feel like going out dancing!

S_____ and I might have a tough road ahead of us, so you must forgive me in advance if I burden you with more than I'm an justly entitled to ask. It's just that you are such an honest and reliable fellow, that I know if I push something off onto you, it will be done as well as can be done. I promise not to be impossibly frivolous in my requests.

So, the bottom line is: I am doing okay. A little scared about the Great Unknowns, but not terrified. Still grateful for all life's blessings, of which I've had more than my share, but would not object to receiving even more. Determined to make the best of things. Mostly worried about my dear sweet wife.


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