The Absurd Epistolary Adventures of the Astonishing FartMan chronicles the amusing escapades
of the lovable, stinky, and obnoxious Cape & Tights Super Hero, and his maudlin Alter Ego, W____,
as they learn to cope with Stage IV colon cancer, each other, and their annoying fellow human beings.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Back to Being Our Usual Argumentative, Obnoxious Selves

From: The Astonishing FartMan and His Alter Ego W______
Sent: Wednesday, September 08, 2010 12:27 PM
To: Undisclosed Recipients
Subject: First Trip to the Oncologist

Hey folks,

We saw the oncologist today, and all things considered, we got good news.

Yes, darn it, as previously reported, we do have Stage IV colon cancer which has found its way to our liver . . . however, the oncologist kept emphasizing that, although our cancer is "Stage IV by definition," our overall picture is much better than the typical Stage IV. It is very treatable, and his "realistic treatment goal" is "long term disease-free survival."

Hey, we kinda like the sound of that.

So here's the plan, which is subject to change depending how things develop:

On Sept. 20th, we will start with two or three months of once-every-two-weeks chemo. Fortunately, the spot on our liver is in a "good" place that is amenable to surgery. So after the first course of chemo is over, the tentative plan is then to cut out a nice chunk of W____'s liver in the area where the cancer had taken up residence. Then after the liver surgery, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, we'll have another three-month course of chemo.

We have a lot of confidence in the team of docs looking after us. The oncologist especially we like, not only because he clearly knows his stuff and is up-to-date on the latest research, but also because he is perfect to serve as our "big picture guy" to coordinate all the other various pieces of our care and treatment. He said that W____ should always call him sooner rather than later, right away, about anything that is bothering us.

So, thanks again for all your prayers and well wishes. (Keep 'em coming!) It looks like we're going to get to hang around for a good while, which means that--instead of FartMan having to be extra-nice to everybody so you'd all have fond memories--he can go back to being his usual argumentative, obnoxious self.

T. A. FartMan and W______

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