Sent: 6/16/2011 08:43:00 AM
To: W____
Subject: Press Release Announcing Cappy Is Joining the Team
Dear W_____,
Reproduced below my signature line is a copy of the press release we just sent out this morning.
I realize you're having some trouble adjusting to having Cappy always hanging around, but eventually you'll start to get used to him. He keeps telling me how much he admires how you do what you do and insists he's always going to be on your side. So if he's gonna be here anyway, you might as well try to get along with him.
Yes, I know that's all just "nicey-nice talk," but, honestly, with an ambitious young thing like Cappy, it wouldn't be surprising if he decided to ditch us two worn out old fart-makers, to move on to bigger and better things before too long. So instead of getting all freaked out about Cappy being named as my new sidekick, just try to go with the flow for a while and see how things develop.
How many times do I have to tell you? Don't worry about Cappy pushing you aside. Your job as my alter ego is safe. You and I got into this thing together, and unless you decide you've had enough and want to get rid of me, we will always be together. You'll always be my One and Only Alter Ego Secret Identity. I'll forever be your One and Only Cape & Tights Super Ego Hero.
Off the record, about this Alter Id, the Sidekick, this Cappy guy, the Interloper, remember what they say: Keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer. We gotta handle this with circumspection. I'm hearing through my sources that Cappy's alter ego's father is a major big shot with BCM Parking, and we've got contracts for a crapload of boring but lucrative security work at their garages. That's easy money we would probably have to kiss goodbye if Cappy, or whoever happens to be his flimsy twit of an alter ego, ever ran pouting to their daddy about us. So let's just try to be patient. Cappy might go away on his own. If he doesn't, I know someone who--for a reasonable and proper professional services fee--will drain the piss juice right outa him, and do it so quietly, so discreetly, so permanently, that people will hardly remember Cappy ever even existed, much less the circumstances of his disappearance. But let me, The Astonishing One, work out all that stuff. You don't wanna to know the details. Just chill and play along, okay?
So what do you say about you and me, just us two, getting together at Lucio's (my treat!) to see if any of those '04 brunelli we've been hoarding is ready for drinking? You pick the date, you pick the bottle, I'll clear my calendar.
Your old buddy,
T.A.
TAF Enterprises, Inc., Names S.C. "Cappy" Fluidas Special Lateral Assistant to CEO T. A. FartMan
HOUSTON, TX -- (MarketwireBS - Jun 16, 2011) TAF Enterprises, Inc., (NASDEQ: TFRT) announced today that the company has retained S.C. "Cappy" Fluid as Special Lateral Assistant to TAF Founder and CEO T. A. FartMan.
"Cappy Fluid has been functioning as my Special Lateral Assistant in an unofficial capacity for several months," Mr. FartMan said, "and during that time has amply demonstrated the persistence essential to that role. Therefore, we are pleased to announce that Cappy has officially joined the TAF Team and now will be publicly recognized for his contributions. Having Cappy at my side enhances TAF Enterprises' industry-leading capacity for reliable, timely, precision delivery of methane/hydrogen-sulfide gas services for our growing client base."
According to Mr. FartMan, the function of his Special Lateral Assistant (known in the Super Hero sector as a "sidekick,") will be a "fluid and dynamic one, which we do not want to define rigidly." He said that in addition to pursuing a sidekick's traditional career path as an emerging top-level manager "without portfolio," Cappy Fluid will direct the company's anthropologically-derived hydrogen sulfide and methane gas delivery services in the medical setting, a workspace in which Mr. Fluid has substantial experience, having previously specialized in Post-Surgical Hepatic Collections. His responsibilities as Special Assistant will also include activities in the Company's educational/entertainment services for children and community relations in the U.S. and Canada. T. A. FartMan will continue personally to direct the growing Crowd Control and Humane Mass Dispersal segment of TAF's business as well as the company's successful Elite Transportation Services.
About TAF Enterprises, Inc. ( NASDEQ: TFRT)TAF specializes in producing complex highly-concentrated anthropologically-derived methane and hydrogen-sulfide enriched compounds for use in a variety of contexts, including humane sub-lethal mass dispersal, crowd control, military, personal self-defense, education, and entertainment applications. TAF also operates the highly successfully Elite Transportation Services, providing worldwide transport to departing heads of state; rock, pop, rap, and hip-hop stars; executives of major international corporations; A-list celebrities; heiresses and/or sluts famous mostly for being famous, and other clients, who may require individualized, discreet, immediate, supersonic mobility.
For more information, contact 1-808-FartMan (1-808-327-8626) or visit
Forward-Looking InformationThis press release contains certain statements that should be construed as "forward-looking information" within the meaning of applicable securities legislation, which statements may, but do not necessarily, contain words such as "estimate," "might," "may," "would," "could," "will," "intend," "plan," "anticipate," "believe," "expect," "growing," "emerging," "successful," and similar expressions. This forward-looking information includes, but is not limited to, information regarding the anticipated growth of TAF's Crowd Control and Humane Mass Dispersal business.
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